Wednesday, 12 January 2011

The call to adventure

Yeah – I know. Anybody that ever built an empire or changed the world sat where I am today. I get it.

So, earlier today I was finally de-shackled from corporate life. Yup. After 12 years (and change) designing phones for an un-specified Finnish telecoms megalith, I am now officially supernumerary to their future plans. Thanks for the last decade, and see ya, Andy.

If I had a knack for making mobile phones, or enjoyed it more, or was blessed with no imagination this’d be horrible news. But the truth is I have been jealously coveting one of those escape pods for a while. After 12 years you build up a loyalty bonus, which translates as “expensive to fire”; the maths works out as roughly 12 months of doing something less boring instead. Austere months, to be fair, but there are enough of them. The mortgage will get paid. Heat, food and internet porn. And presumably at some point the first mobile-phone bill that I will have ever seen.

But what does an unemployed 41-year-old usually do?

Well, it turns out that we’re going to bring 86 minutes of low-budget big-screen horror to the discerning masses. And this is where we get to write down how.

This is not a royal “we”. The next year also belongs to my co-directing, co-writing, co-producing, co-etc. partner; the fresher-faced and irritatingly talented Jake Hawkins. And don’t be mislead – this is not a guide on how to make a low-budget horror film, like the Guerrilla Film Maker’s Handbook already is. Fuck; it might not even be a particularly sensible way to make a movie. It’s simply a place to chart how we are doing it. The steps as we take them, the advice we get given, the choices we make. At the very least it’ll be a place to catalogue our stupid mistakes so that future neophyte film-makers don’t have to make them themselves; at the very best it’ll be the same road-map of lunacy, but with an Amazon link at the end where you can go and buy the DVD.

Because in case you’re wondering, at this very moment in time we have less than no idea how to do it. You will need to be gentle with us as we get up to speed. Remember – we’re fucking up so you don’t have to.

Oh, and did I not mention that it’s a zombie movie?

Welcome to the start of the journey through my mid-life crisis. Daunted.

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