404 - Earle not recognised

In the same way that it’s considered bad form to start a text conversation with an old girlfriend after you’ve been drinking, it is widely acknowledged that blogging while still agape isn’t the wisest of plans.

But, this moment needs a posting. You’re going to have to excuse me and read around the astonishment.

But before I jump in, I’d like to take this moment to throw out a massive hunk-a-hunk-a Charmed love to the fabulous people that have headed across to our IndieGoGo campaign, marvelled at just how uncomfortable two people can look when stuck in front of a camera, and then still contributed to our post-production fund anyway. The undead wall of love is now up, and Jake’s and my thanks extend to each and every one of them.

And while we’re on the subject, I’ll tell you where the astonishment stems from.

Just before close of play, we got sent through a contribution, and one that didn’t make a lot of sense at first. It wasn’t from anyone that we knew. There were no perks requested, just a straight donation. Of $5000.

What? $5000? Just like that? And when I emailed him to make sure his cat hadn’t just been walking across the keyboard, the mail bounced back. No such address.

A genuinely anonymous benefactor. And we can’t even get in touch to say thanks. Or ask why.

Earle, I have no idea whether you've clicked through the maze of links on our IndieGoGo page and chanced across the blog, but this seems to be our only opportunity to say thank you. A heartfelt albeit astonished thank you, mixed with elements of what prompted you into such an unsolicited act of filmic philanthropy?

So, thanks to Earle-the-anonymous, Zombie Resurrection gains a new Executive Producer, and Jake and I take one giant leap closer. Stunned.

OK... Go!

Right – so that’d be the sound of two boys on the scrounge, then.

Absolutely. Yesterday at about five PM we jumped through the last legal hoop, and our IndieGoGo funding campaign went live.

For anybody that has no idea what I’m talking about, IndieGoGo is a crowd-sourcing website – basically the film equivalent of those on-line sponsorship websites that have suddenly popped up everywhere, except that you promise goodie-bags in return for cold hard cash. Want a photo session with you dressed and made-up as a zombie, with the highly awesome Rob Luckins and Heidi Clarke? Fancy a personalised ringtone from Jim Sweeney, who plays Zombie Resurrection’s one-man swearing master-class Mac? We just may be able to do you a deal.

Post-production is an expensive time (sound, music, foley, titles, CGI, grading, mastering, etc.), and crowd-sourcing is just one of the avenues that we are exploring. A pal of mine recently ran a very successful IndieGoGo campaign to get his documentary about über-loaded Weetabix-haired Scot-bully Donald Trump through its final stages. As the only thing that our films have in common is that its director, Ant, and I might conceivably occupy adjacent slots in someone's contact list, it seemed enough to warrant us giving it a shot.

And with David Cameron’s recent prattle about what he wants to see from British cinema still ringing in my ears (and which will be a blog subject all on its own once the ire has subsided a little), crowd-sourcing is without a doubt one of the most sensible options available to us. But, being honest, it’s an avenue I wish that we didn’t have to explore.

Getting the IndieGoGo campaign up is the thing that has made me more uncomfortable than anything else in the production. Sending out an email to everybody I know asking for cash is not something that rests easily against my psyche. In fact it strains at every tendon and fibre in my being. If this posting seems more even deranged than normal it’s because it comes off the back of a terrible night’s sleep of angst, let down by the tried-and-tested staples of yogic breathing and the Shipping Forecast.

Anyway, with that mea culpa firmly in place, please take a couple of minutes to go check out our campaign page (or click on the picture). Even if you don’t want to pick up a perk, just watching the video boosts our 'IndieGoGo Factor', and helps push the campaign onto the front page of their web-site.

It’s a massive Charmed thank you to the early birds that have already hit the contribute buttons – we're already $1400 closer to our target in less than a day (that’s US $ we’re working in, which makes everything seem that much bigger). A heartfelt thank you to you all from Jake and me.

Oh, and while I’m here, I probably also owe you an apology for the awkward-looking couple that dominate the video. At least it answers any questions about why we prefer life on the other side of the camera. It seems to me that chronic narcissism is a perfectly reasonable attitude to adopt if you’re an actor, otherwise it must be absolutely interminable having to watch yourself on the big screen. Shrinking.

Bemvindos!

Back again so soon? It must be my guilt-fuelled blogging incontinence.

Indeed, without the shame of having to formally postpone the arrival of the trailer yet again, we are now free to fill you in on what’s been happening over the last month or so. I don’t want you thinking that the radio-silence meant that we had awarded ourselves Christmas away from all things zombie related.

And key amongst last month’s activities was getting our editor on board. An official Charmed welcome to the highly excellent Marcelo-the-edit. Finding ourselves an editor was not a quick process: putting up postings on Shooting People and Talent Circle, trawling through the CVs and show-reels of the twenty or so of applicants, interviewing, sending out multiple copies of the first assembly, more interviewing, etc.

But in the end, the choice was very straightforward, as there was only one outstanding candidate. Better still, even after all this palaver we hadn’t put him off.

A decision well made, it appears, as this morning the first fifteen minutes of the film arrived in our in-boxes. Re-worked, re-mixed, tightened, removed of excess fat and flab. A much more entertaining viewing experience than the one we had dumped on him. Universal feedback from the long-suffering pals that we sent our original assembly off to was that the first act was too long, and in one fell stroke we’ve lost five minutes of film out of the first twenty.

Finally we get to taste the fruits of someone that properly knows how to edit - it’s a lot harder than just knowing how to use the software. Stand up, Phelps and Hawkins, and acknowledge your limits. After weeks of digital CPR, the real doctor has finally arrived.

But the real pay off is going to come when Marcelo arrives at our first horde scene. One of his previous editing gigs was the very nicely made urban gangster flick Zebra Crossing, which featured a protagonist who is the absolute doppelgänger of one of our zombies. Separated at birth? You decide…

In about 18 minutes of screen time, Marcelo is going to wonder whether he's been trapped in some bizarre editing time loop. That’s the beauty of the zombie genre – just because the last time we saw someone they were getting a Glock unloaded into them, all bets are off after the apocalypse. I can only imagine that the Sherlock writers are planning a similar stunt. Spoiling.

Ooh – hello, trailer

Taa daa!

Oh, wait a minute. A very happy 2012 to y’all. Let’s get that out of the way first.

I know – it’s been weeks since my last post. Far too long to list all my bad behaviour in one sitting, but suffice to say that I now finally come bearing gifts. After a seeming eternity of broken promises and rain cheques, I’m delighted to finally be able to introduce you all to the Zombie Resurrection trailer. Delighted and relieved.

And like bad godparents, we’ve tried to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases by bringing you something special.

So, what you see below you are the fruits of Matt’s fabulous editing, Ads’ tone-perfect grading, and Dale’s sublime musical accompaniment. Worthy wrapping for all the succulent goodies within. I hope that this serves as an adequate CV for Heidi and Sara’s impeccable zombie make-up skills till the real mess arrives.

And with the digital constipation now firmly rodded through the system, we return to business as usual in Charmed Central. Don’t think you’ll be able to get away with another whole month without a Phelpenrant. Now, can you all please stop hassling me? Unblocked.

And now with added Zombie

Once it was there. And then it got taken out. But now it’s back again.

Important feedback from Gentleman Jim Eaves: make the film as marketable as possible. Let audiences know what they’re paying for. And more importantly for our immediate future, let distributors know what they’re buying.

And so, today Resurrection officially becomes Zombie Resurrection.

To be fair, the film did start off life as Zombie Resurrection, but we struck off the undead early on when we were worried that we were just going to be labelled as yet another exploitation genre flick. That is until it was pointed out to us that this is exactly what distributors want. Don’t have pretensions to distance yourself from the genre mainstream. Concentrate instead on making a movie that people actually want to see.

Plus it turns out that those nice programmers of Grand Theft Auto IV have already gone to the trouble of pre-emptively sticking up posters advertising the film in all the game’s subways. Theirs has ‘TBone' Thomson and 'Pissup' Hutchison in. Ours, mercifully, doesn’t.

I haven’t played it. No rival gang-members or digital ‘ho’s have suffered in the making of this film.

And with that in mind, Jake and I spent Tuesday up in London fine-tuning the trailer edit. Now that all the pieces are in one place (including a fabulously dark score from Dale-the-tunes), Matt-the-trailer has turned out something that got even Jake and me excited. It pops like a stressed exec in the company bubble-wrap cupboard. One quick grade from Ads-the-DFX and we'll be in business.

So, when the trailer finally makes it onto a computer near you next week sometime, don’t act all surprised at the sudden appearance of a double-barrelled moniker. It’s all part of the Cannes plan, man. Poetic.

Two VAT ladies

Put the hoover round – we’re getting audited.

In (yet another) piece of sage advice from that nice Mr Chris Jones, one of the things Jake and I sorted out at the beginning of this whole movie nonsense was getting ourselves VAT registered. Do this and we can claim back any tax that we get charged on business expenses. Like the costs of shooting a movie, for example. A not insubstantial amount of cash, on the scales at which we’re working.

Lovely. In Charmed parlance it’s known as free money.

The downside is that it forces you to be anal about keeping tabs on your company accounts. As this adjective has been applied at me on a number of occasions (and not always with respect either), master of the spreadsheet duties falls to the boy Phelps.

And today I get a chance to show off my adding and dividing-by-six prowess. Today we get audited by the VAT man.

I say VAT man – in the end it was two women from HMRC that drew the short straw, and are currently trawling through a shoe-box full of receipts. What better way for a Billy Bragg fan to end the week than talking with the taxman about purgatory?

Hang about. Where does all this free money come from? Er… from you, the eventual non-business DVD-buying public, it seems. It could be argued that we’ve taken our thirty pieces of silver to collude with the HMRC mafia. We've inadvertently subcontracted ourselves as part-time tax collectors.

Hmm. Thanks in advance, guys. You have my unofficial permission to download 20% of the movie from Pirate Bay if it makes you feel any better. Divided.

Fuck me - it's Danny Brown!

INT. KITCHEN – Day

A MAN sits with a cup of tea listening to the radio. A football match is playing.

The man is weeping. Tears stream down his cheeks, joined by rivers of snot that meander from each nostril to form a sticky pool on the table below.

Such, it seems, is the lot of a Blackpool fan. At least that's what the BBC would like us to believe in their new inter-programme advert for FiveLive. I can’t tell you how it ended, such was the unexpected uproar in my flat. Fuck Me! It’s Danny Brown!

Last seen chowing down on intestines with an axe in his back, Danny very ably played the character of Beaumont in Resurrection, and now represents the first of the cast members that I have seen on the actual TV since the shoot wrapped (and on BBC1, no less). As a staunch Arsenal supporter, any excuses of 'well, I didn’t see it' should best be addressed to Danny in a French accent.

And no – we haven’t finished cutting the trailer yet. Can you tell? Stalling.